Erik Stafford | Internet Marketing Expert

Letter to Fifth Third Bank

by Erik on January 27, 2012

January 15th, 2012

Fifth Third Bank
Fifth Third Center
38 Fountain Square Plaza
Cincinnati, OH 45263

RE: You jack-holes and your continued overdraft fees
TO: Customer Support
CC: The Board of Directors (Darryl F. Allen, B. Evan Bayh, Ulysses L. Bridgeman, Jr., Emerson L. Brumback, James P. Hackett, Gary R. Heminger, Jewell D. Hoover, William Isaac, Kevin T. Kabat, Mitchel D. Livingston, Ph.D., Michael B. McCallister, Hendrik G. Meijer, John J. Schiff, Jr., Marsha C. Williams)

To whom it may concern:

About three months ago I brought all my balances to zero, and closed all my Fifth Third bank accounts.

One account, in particular, was a business checking account that had been with your bank for almost 5 years… and as such had several automatic payments and withdrawals associated with it.

I assumed that once the account was closed, your bank would simply deny the transactions, and notify the vendor, and they would contact me so I could update my new banking information with each vendor.

I was mistaken.

Apparently your business practice is to REOPEN the account, and charge overdraft fees each time a transaction comes through. And as a result, I now have several hundred dollars in fees associated with an account that I balanced out and closed months ago.

I want my accounts closed, and these fees removed.

My personal banker told me he would have to ask the local manager.

And the local manager, after several weeks, finally called me to let me know that her hands were tied, and she would have to talk to the regional manager.

Shockingly, the regional manager couldn’t do anything about it either.

Now, after several weeks of waiting and wondering, I have just been informed that my only option is to send a letter directly to your corporate offices (which you are now reading) as a final attempt to convince you to finally remove my fees and close my account forever.

So? What do you say?

I would hate to feel compelled to register the Domain name www.the-worst-bank-on-the-planet.com (available as I write this) and post this letter in full.

Likewise, I certainly don’t want to spend the time (and my considerable SEO experience) making damn sure that website ranks for every conceivable banking keyword under the sun.

Furthermore, between my various websites, email subscriber lists, and social media accounts, I keep regular contact with well over 80,000 people…

And I would hate to let each and every one of them know about your unethical business practices and your desire to continue sticking me in the ass.

Please do the right thing here. Remove my fees, and close my accounts.

With frustrated and foulest regards, I remain,

Erik Stafford
www.staffordmarketing.com

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Hey dude promote my launch! (Personal)

by Erik on January 25, 2012

Lately I’ve been getting more and more emails that look personal, until I open them and realize they are just mass-copied “promote my shit” bulk emails sent to every good affiliate on the planet, all at once.

Promotional emails, disguised as personal emails, with no way to unsubscribe.

And it pisses me right off.

Look, I get it… It’s easier for you to send one fucking email to every affiliate you know. And it’s better for you if I can’t unsubscribe from these emails, or complain without feeling stupid…

And yes, I have websites and email subscribers and social media subscribers…

And yes, I have been known in the past to promote things, and end up on affiliate leader boards.

But one thing you’re forgetting: I’m an asshole.

And I don’t give one single fuck about offending you.

In fact, I drafted an email template (below) that will be going out to people who copy me on shit like this.

Feel free to swipe and share.

———————–

Hey Jackhole:

Please don’t CC me (along with 200 other affiliates) on “promote my launch” emails masked as personal communications. It’s a horrible thing to do and it makes my balls hurt.

The next time it happens, every single email address will be posted on my blog (www.erikstafford.com) along with a note blaming you for the error.

Thanks!

Erik

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Outsourcing Sucks

by Erik on January 23, 2012

Ahhh the joys of outsourcing.

Keep reading for an actual email exchange I had today with a programmer in India… Posted word for word, for your enjoyment.

Erik

————

From: Karthik
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 8:23am

Hello Erik,

Kindly find quote for your requirement.

The script cost – $145 USD
Installation cost – $25 USD
design and colors customized to match my colors and logo. – $500 USD

Functionality Requirements:(totally for 5 points) – $330 USD

Total cost – $1000 USD

Thanks & Regards,

KARTHIK

=======================================================

From: Erik Stafford
To: Karthik
Time: 10:07am

Hey Karthik…

I already own the script. Would you be willing to install it, and handle my programming requests, and do some simple color and logo theme work for $400 USD?

Thanks,

Erik

=======================================================

From: Kumar
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 10:38am

Hello Erik,

Thanks a lot for your mail.The total cost of the project along with the script customization and design changes comes around $830.I have discussed with my management they have decided to do the design changes and script customization after a big discount of $230 and do it for $600 please let us know your thoughts we are looking forward for your mail to move forward on your valuable purchase.

Feel free to contact us we will surely provide you a best support from our end.

Regards,

Kumar.V

=======================================================

From: Erik Stafford
To: Kumar
Time: 10:44am

Kumar:

My budget isn’t that high, so again, can you install the software, do my script customizations, and a minor amount of skinning for $400?

Otherwise, I ask you to just do the install and programming for $350.

What happened to Karthik?

Thanks,

Erik

=======================================================

From: Kumar
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 11:06am

Hello Erik,

Thanks a lot for your immediate reply. Ok fine we can do the customization and design changes for $500 we can’t provide you a discount below this if we do then we need to answer our management.

Please let us know your thoughts we are looking forward for your mail to move forward on your project. Feel free to contact us.

Regards,

Kumar.V

=======================================================

From: Erik Stafford
To: Kumar
Time: 11:12am

You are not understanding me.

I will ONLY pay $400. Not a penny more. Please let me know what is possible to do for this amount.

Thanks,

Erik

=======================================================

From: Kumar
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 11:20am

Hello Erik,

Thanks a lot for your mail. Ok fine we can do it on your budget. Please let us know can you make the payment by today we are looking forward your precious reply to move forward on your customization.

Regards,

Kumar.V

=======================================================

From: Erik Stafford
To: Kumar
Time: 11:25am

I can pay you via vWorker, or oDesk, whichever you prefer.

Thanks,

Erik

=======================================================

From: Kumar
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 11:20am

Hello Erik,

Thanks a lot for your reply. Please let me know can you make the payment through Paypal or Moneybooker. Kindly let us know your thoughts we will be waiting for your reply to move forward on your customization.

Regards,

Kumar.V

=======================================================

From: Erik Stafford
To: Kumar
Time: 12:37pm

Kumar:

I have had issues with outsourcing work overseas in the past, so this is what I propose:

- $50 payment immediately to get you started working.
- Another $50 payment when the script is installed and working correctly.
- $100 payment once theme skinning and customization is completed.
- $200 payment when script customization is completed.

Let me know if this works for you and please provide your Paypal email address.

Thanks!

Erik

=======================================================

From: Kumar
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 1:10pm

Hello Erik,

Thanks a lot for your mail.I will provide you the assurance that we will surely provide you the script as you wish and also we will do the customization as satisfying your requirement.If the project cost cross $1500 you can make the payment in different phases.

So please make the single time payment we will surely do the work as per you need. Feel free to contact us for any clarification.

We will surely provide you a best support from our end.

Regards,

Kumar.V

=======================================================

From: Erik Stafford
To: Kumar
Time: 1:16pm

No.

=======================================================

From: Kumar
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 2:05pm

Hello Erik,

Thank you so much for your reply. Can you make the payment in two phases as 70% as Upfront and 30% after completion. Please let us know your thoughts we are looking forward for your reply to move forward on the project.Feel free to contact us for any queries.

Regards,

Kumar.V

=======================================================

From: Erik Stafford
To: Kumar
Time: 4:07pm

No.

=======================================================

From: Kumar
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 4:24pm

Hello Erik,

Thanks a lot for your mail. Please let us know can you make $300 as Upfront and after the completion you can make another $100 kindly let me know shall we move forward on your project and i take this opportunity to let you know the we will provide you a 100% assurance from our end that we will do as per your requirement and also it will surely satisfy your idea please feel free to contact us at any time.

Regards,

Kumar.V

=======================================================

From: Erik Stafford
To: Kumar
Time: 4:25pm

No.

=======================================================

From: Kumar
To: Erik Stafford
Time: 4:50pm

Hello Erik,

Thanks a lot for your mail. Ok fine please send first payment and we will get start right away.

100% assurance from our end that we will do as per your requirement and also it will surely satisfy your idea please feel free to contact us at any time.

Regards,

Kumar.V

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Weekend Outsourcing Tips (part #3)

by Erik on September 5, 2011

There’s a reason I’ve been posting this link:

http://www.erik-recommends.com/outsourcing

That page hit me like a ton of bricks.

Have you ever read something and felt like it was written SPECIFICALLY to you?

That’s how I felt when I read it.

Outsourcing has changed my business…

But maybe you’re feeling like you aren’t quite ready for that sort of a commitment.

The extra expense.

The extra time spent hiring, managing, providing instructions….

Maybe you can’t even think of anything you would give to an outsourcer and have them work on for you.

Well, I was in the same spot…

So I started small. Remember that whole “micro-outsourcing” thing I told you about yesterday?

Here’s how it works:

1. Start by picking a basic task. Something simple, like getting more visitors to your website. Or maybe you want to add a couple thousand people to your Facebook page. Or get a simple business card designed.

It doesn’t matter what the task is – As long as it’s simple.

No software, no website services… nothing big or time consuming.

Check Fiverr and pick something simple.

2. Follow the instructions, pay the five bucks, and then get your employee over some basic instructions, passwords, or whatever else they may need.

3. Here’s the important step: If they do a good job, ask them if they are willing to communicate via email. Exchange information, save them as a contact… And BAM! You now have someone you can call on for that task, whenever you need to do it!

This mini-method to getting things done has worked like a charm for me, and when combined with David Walsh’s “Source Control” it’s absolutely life changing.

http://www.erik-recommends.com/outsourcing

This product covers outsourcing from A to Z, and comes complete with forms, process maps, instructional breakdowns… the whole nine yards.

When you grab your copy, simply email me your receipt (erik [AT] staffordmarketing.com) and I’ll send you the following bonus:

“Micro-Outsourcing” your way to $500 bucks a month!”

In this short, detailed report I will show you how to scale up several individual “micro-outsourcing” tasks and fuse them together into a proper, sustainable business.

Sound good?

Together, it’s everything you need to get started.

Erik

P.S. – The kicker for me? The author, David Walsh, has publicly posted his email address at the bottom of his pages. He isn’t hiding behind walls.

He believes in this product… And I do too.

Check it out:

http://www.erik-recommends.com/outsourcing

P.P.S. – This product even explains how to outsource your 9-to-5 job! Outsourcing from within your job can actually be the best way to start and experiment…

So get started today!

http://www.erik-recommends.com/outsourcing

Grab your copy, email me the receipt, and claim your bonus…

All for under $50 bucks!

Erik

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Weekend Outsourcing Tips (part #2)

by Erik on September 4, 2011

We’re talking about outsourcing.

And man, do I have some crazy stories to tell:

March 2009 – I spend about 2,000 hours training a new assistant, and he repays me by immediately vanishing like a fart in the wind.

———————-

June 2009 – I fire 5 full-time outsourcers in a fit of rage, and close down a successful website that has 50 people paying $297 per month for traffic services.

———————-

$10,500 a month (after expenses) down the tubes…

I ended up doing the final month’s work myself, and then canceling all the customers because I simply couldn’t manage the staggered deadlines.

I suck at project management.

———————-

August 2010 – Another one bites the dust. I found out that the India-based company I was using was routinely over-billing me. I’m terrible at math, even worse at accounting… And only caught it because one of my friends mentioned that he had been suckered by the same company.

———————-

January 2011 – A programmer flat out disappears with $1500 bucks and the source code for one of my scripts. I still haven’t heard a word from him, which is good… Because if I find him I’m going to beat him to death with a computer keyboard.

The list goes on and on…

The endless stream of programmers, assistants, and designers that I’ve fired, hired, pulled the plug on…

The bottom line is that outsourcing can be a GIANT pain in the ass.

It doesn’t HAVE to be though.

No matter what business you’re in, or what your goals are, outsourcing can work for you.

But first, you have to clearly understand what sort of person you are.

You need to outsource to your STRENGTHS.

This simple-sounding little bit of wisdom helped me finally crack the code and turn outsourcing into something easy and profitable.

Once I embraced the fact that I HATE managing people, and SUCK at accounting, and DESPISE project management…

It became apparent that for me to be successful with outsourcing, I was going to have to do it my way.

In small, bite-sized chunks.

I call it “micro-outsourcing” and it works like crazy.

I’ll be giving you some examples that you can use in your own business tomorrow…

But first, read this:

http://www.erik-recommends.com/outsourcing

Source Control by David Walsh is hands down the best outsourcing course I’ve ever read. The book is over 150 pages long and I read it from front to back in one sitting.

Then I read it again.

I give it my highest endorsement and have prepared an extremely valuable bonus for those of you who take action and invest in a copy…

Weekend Outsourcing Tips

by Erik on September 3, 2011

I know it’s the weekend, but since it’s LABOR day weekend here…

I thought I would reach out with some thoughts on how you can do LESS labor and make MORE money at the same time.

I’ve been talking a lot in the past couple of months about the new directions my business has taken.

==> I’m building software.

==> Working with local clients and providing services to them… like SEO, web design, and basic social media stuff…

==> I’m developing mobile applications…

==> Porting my existing eBooks to the Kindle and iTunes platforms.

All of these projects revolve around on one basic concept:

OUTSOURCING.

I’ve probably told you how easy it is to outsource almost everything…

But that’s not quite true, now that I look back on the past year.

Sure, it’s easy for me NOW…

But in the beginning, it was a whole different story.

I’m going to be talking about this more in the next couple days: Sharing my experiences, and revealing some outsourcing tips…

Along with a couple links and recommendations to stuff that’s saved me tons of time and headaches.

But for now, read this:

http://www.erik-recommends.com/outsourcing

I don’t care how experienced you are, or what you’re working on… You need to be outsourcing.

I’ll be back tomorrow to explain.

Erik

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How to write a book

by Erik on July 9, 2011

Years ago, when we lived in the Caribbean, we had a blog.

Several times a week, I would post an update about our life in the islands for our friends and family back home.

When hurricane Ivan hit in 2004 and mashed everything, we ended up in Florida… And I went through the blog and pulled out all of the entries and pasted them into a Word Document.

It was almost 500 pages long!

There were several posts about the Redwings (my favorite hockey team) and about poker (a hobby) and other random stuff that didn’t have anything to do with living in the Caribbean…

So I deleted that stuff, and still ended up with 300 pages of great content.

I proofread that, and edited it down again…

And the end result was a great little 200 page book about living in the Caribbean with kids.

I just submitted it to the Amazon Kindle and Apple iBook stores.

The point of this story?

———————

It turns out that it’s really easy to write a book.

All you need to do is build a blog, and then write blog posts several times a week!

Think about it – Deciding to sit down and write a book is a huge, daunting task… But writing a blog post takes what, 10 minutes?

Do it 5 times a week, and at the end of the year chances are good that you’ll have a 200 page book sitting there, ready to edit and publish.

Erik

P.S. – If you want to read a funny, engaging tale about living in the Caribbean, check out The Iguana Diaries. I appreciate your comments, as well!

Click here to download The Iguana Diaries.

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Culture Crafting

by Erik on April 4, 2011

I was peeking around YouTube today. Specifically, I was checking out the most subscribed channels of all time:

http://www.youtube.com/channels?g=0&s=ms&t=a

You may or may not know this, but when you start to get a ton of subscribers, and tons of “views” on your videos…

YouTube will happily make you a paid content provider. They will pay you to simply continue to create videos.

Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/partners

I have it on good authority that some partners are making upwards of $10K a month.

Anyways…

Back to the point.

What do these YouTube Channels all have in common?

Well, by looking at just a sampling of the them it’s quickly apparent:

1. They are consistent. They all upload videos on a regular schedule. Some on a SET regular schedule (every Monday and Friday, for example).

2. They speak to a specific audience. Watch just a couple videos from each channel and you will notice that based on how the person is dressed, how they talk, how the camera cuts and pans… They are all speaking to a very specific audience.

3. They are unique, interesting, and memorable. None of these channels are boring. Chances are you are either going to love or hate each one, without a lot of middle room.

These three things are critical to building a culture around your business or idea.

Take what these YouTube “stars” are doing and scale it up just a little…

You will see major similarities between what they are doing and what companies like Apple are doing.

———————

My new course Culture Crafting is designed to help you find, and DEEPLY CONNECT with an audience.

When done correctly, by following my steps, you will create a loyal
base of repeat buyers.

Like Apple has, for example. Or Harley Davidson. Or the major players on YouTube

The thing I’m most excited about?

Culture can be crafted around any system or business.

- It works for small business owners.
- It works for internet marketers.
- It works for network marketers.
- It even works for total beginners.

Culture is the missing ingredient in most businesses. To learn more, click here:

http://www.culture-crafting.com

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How To Spot Opportunities

by Erik on March 30, 2011

I’ve been back from the Caribbean for about a week now, and settling into my routine. It feels good.

Hopefully things are good in your neck of the woods, too

Lots of interesting projects on the deck over here that I will be sharing with you over the coming weeks. Hopefully this “glimpse” into my process for making money will help you craft yours

And for me, it always starts with whats around me.

———————

What you notice (that’s around you ALL the time) changes depending on
where you are MENTALLY.

It’s crazy…

But whatever your focus is – That’s what you notice.

When we had our first child all those years ago, I remember suddenly I heard babies crying everywhere.

Like they sprung out of the woodwork or something.

They were always there, I just never noticed

This ever happen to you?

———————

There was a time when I couldn’t watch a movie without commenting on the beginning title sequence.

What font was being used, and how.

Coincidentally, during that time I was studying typography (fonts) really heavily. I was also playing with an animation software called Flash all the time.

(The movie thing drove Wendy crazy

Today, whenever I drive anywhere… I always notice the roads, berms, and sidewalks. Not surprisingly, I’m really into cycling at the moment.

So I notice roads.

Crazy, eh?

———————

I want to encourage you to look at the world through IDEA EYES.

When you do, ways to make money will materialize faster than you can deal with them

Now… I don’t mean surfing the web and buying “solutions” or systems.

No.

What I mean is to always be thinking of creative ways to help others.

To always be open to building around your interests.

Stuff like that.

I want you to be open to partnerships, outside-the-box barters, joint-ventures, and new directions.

In the next month, for example, I am launching websites and systems to help a friend of mine sell boats.

He needs more leads, and I understand the web.

BINGO! A perfect opportunity.

He’s paying me a percentage of his commissions, and I never have to sell anything.

I just need to get his phone to ring

Between now and the end of the summer, I am also working on a boat site, a video game site, and a site aimed at law firms and accountants.

All of these projects sprang to life because of my idea eyes.

Make sense?

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Powerpoint Presentation Tips

by Erik on March 22, 2011

As one of the highest paid direct response designers on the planet, I frequently get called upon to create (or fix) PowerPoint presentations.

Most of these requests come from professional speakers (those who present from stage) or Internet business owners who want to pitch their products with video sales letters.

Invariably if I am asked to fix an existing presentation, the same things are always wrong with them…

So here’s my top three tips for creating memorable PowerPoint presentations:

1. Don’t use spins, flips, dissolves, or other transitions. Wacky effects just distract from your message. Keep it simple.

2. Never use more than 10 or so words per slide. Ever. Look – you don’t want people reading… You want them listening! If you are going to have them read, you might as well give them a handout, or a written sales letter.

3. Use more images. And don’t ever use clip art, or cheesy stock stuff. Invest in high quality professional stock images:

http://www.corbis.com
http://www.istockphoto.com
http://www.gettyimages.com

Always remember – The goal of PowerPoint is to communicate VISUALLY. Rather than show ten bullets stuffed with facts about ocean pollution, for example…

Show a big, high quality image of dead fish, washed up on the beach. Now that creates impact! And as the audience takes in the image, TELL them the facts instead.

These tips will help you create stunning presentations. Put them into action, and I can’t wait to see what you come up with!

Erik

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← Previous Entries

Erik Stafford's Marketing Blog

Letter to Fifth Third Bank

Hey dude promote my launch! (Personal)

Outsourcing Sucks

Weekend Outsourcing Tips (part #3)

Weekend Outsourcing Tips (part #2)

Weekend Outsourcing Tips

How to write a book

Culture Crafting

How To Spot Opportunities

Powerpoint Presentation Tips

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